My day according to my boss, as told by my boss

This morning PDO got up and was oblivious to how badly he screwed up last week. I will make him pay. I will smack his bottom if I have to. It's just after 8 am, and I'm in my office, thnking about how best to surprise PDO- because he thinks I'm in Montpelier, France. Ahh, my life is made more difficult by his every breath, why do I put up with his antics? I can't seem to figure him out.

Well, at least I got a chance to really yell at him. It sure made me feel better when I intimated that his incompetent management had made me so nervous that I cancelled a speaking engagement. That did hurt- I really wanted to orally fellate all those academics.

But why is it so glaringly obvious that PDO has no sense of urgency? Why does he not show me that he knows how urgently we need to complete this draft of this grant proposal? He seems calm, collected...is he relaxed and prepared to have a productive day, or does he just not care about my colossally important existence? The phone beckons...I must seek it out to vent my righteous rage. I am the best person in the entire world.