Area woman found to have Gono-sypha-herpa-crabs

Hoboken, NJ (AP)- Area electronic mail direct-marketer and online dater Kendra Mackey was discovered to be a carrier of multiple sexually transmitted diseases, known collectively as the "Gono-sypha-herpa-crabs," and condemned by the court of pubic opinion to a life of servitude. Having contracted the diseases 18 months ago in a back-alley encounter with deadly hit man "The Ice Cream Man" (whose Mr. Softee truck is a well-known front for his kill-strategy of infecting vicitms with deadly sexually transmitted diseases) Ms. Mackey's exposure will surely end her streak of tryst advertisments. Her car has been impounded. Its New Jersey license plate, "JRZYTD" is believed to have stood for Jerzy Transmitted Disease.

Ms. Mackey could not be reached for comment. A spokesman for the Ice Cream Man read a short statement from Mr. Cream Man:
"Hell yes, I screwed that biotch. I think she got what was cumming to her. Er, in her. Er, never mind. Thank you. Go Steelers!"

In related news, Ms. Mackey's doctor met his premature end at the hands of feral dogs early Saturday evening in East New York, Brooklyn."