What it is?

Hey, motherfuckers! Somehow it feels like today sucked so badly I can't justify staying. It told my boss flat out how disrespectful he was being, and I just saw how he didn't even care. Anger never solved anything. Why am I still here? Am I feeling guilty because I can never have a great week...The tension between me not caring and me wanting to please my boss creates ridiculous behavior patterns in my work. I don't know if I want him to know how I feel or if I want to silently punish him with apathy. Why would I want to help him after hours? I just want to escape, most days. I earn the respect of my subordinates because I need their hard work, I need them to put up with an office that is a wreck and my boss, who doesn't give a shit about anyone except himself.

I'm damaged by this job. I'm tense and frustrated. My back hurts, and my fingers are worse. I'm underpaid. I am a better person than he will ever be. He throws temper tantrums and I listen. I don't want to own a project he's upset about. I'd rather fix something than be chastised. He would rather yell at someone than fix something himself. I am holding so many things together what will he do if I just leave? Fuck. Fuck it all to fucking hell. It's cold, and dark, and I am tired of having to take five minutes to compose myself just so I don't do something crazy. Where is my reward for keeping my cool? nowhere. He doesn't care. Fuck it. He is not gaining respect for me when I throw his shit right back at him, is he? No. He lives in his own little cubbyhole of vanity, a little private nirvana of his own, blissfully unaware of his place in the world.