Pants Dispenser

Don't steal home without it! Quotes

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Linkage: MyopenBar

Improv Philosophy

"Hey, just because something is improvised doesn't mean it's not intentional."-me at the office today.

Bags Searched Redux-New York is now your mother.

"Since the suicide bombings in London on July 7 through Monday afternoon, New York police had received 1,476 reports of suspicious packages or people, compared to 804 over the same period last year."[link]

But that, to be sure, is not the fun part. The real fun is that now if if leave something in a public space, the cops are getting called. This is one account of a 'suspicious package' that shut down subway service at Borough Hall in Bklyn along the 2,3,5,N.R.W. lines.

“Someone left their bag there,” said Det. John Sweeney, a police spokesman. “[NYPD Bomb Squad] opened up the package and realized it was somebody’s personal property and that was it.”[link]

Didn't your mother teach you to clean up after yourself? But this is even better. I have lost stuff in the city a couple of times. Once or twice in cabs, and a few times in other places. You just write it off- if you go back the bag or whatever is usually gone. It's fucking Manahattan. People would steal the sidewlks if they were a bit lighter (my current theory is that this is, in fact, an extensive mining plan designed to produce coffee grounds for those little cart vendors.)

But now, if you leave something, the police are called, and then you can pick it up later, as long as it's not a b-o-m-b.

Monday, July 25, 2005

RepCheck: License Agreement

God, I love words like these []: Solely to enable Repcheck to use Your Information and so that we are not violating any rights you might have in that information, you hereby grant us a non-exclusive, worldwide, perpetual, irrevocable, royalty-free, sublicensable (through multiple tiers) right to use, copy, distribute, transmit, publicly display, archive and sublicense any content you submit to Repcheck, in any media now known or not currently known.

Everybody's working for the Weekend at UCB Theatre's Del Close Marathon

from recent e-mail from me to JS: "I went to a crazy office birthday party and then a party at my sister's apartment, but I was there from about 2am (the boston gang, I think) until about 7:45 or 8am Saturday. Wow. The shows were good, Harsh did not disappoint. I saw Rob Riggle kick the shit out of that trailer that was parked out front, and evidently I dozed off between 5:45 and 6:15 and they were going to pour beer on my head to wake me up. Horatio Saenz was evidently in favor of this. No beer was ultimately used, thank god. (M.A. told me about this after I woke up). I rolled into my apartment around 9am. ugh. I thought about going back but just never made it."

Here's what I have figured out: I know I'm out too late if the New York Times is already waiting for my roommate. Number of times this has happened since 6/1/05, approx 4. Number of times this past weekend: 2.

Unfortunate Name Alert!

Imagine if your name was Doris Boris. Sheesh. Chills down my spine. Here's where I found this NC woman.

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Women in Sports and the Glass Ceiling

JGW: The unrealistic thing about "Sports Night" was that there were too many women. I used to work at ESPN and there were never that many women in sports broadcasting.

PDO: Well, I'm all for the glass ceiling, as long as naked breasts are pressed firmly against it.

Friday, July 22, 2005

NY Times: New York Starts to Inspect Bags on the Subways

A Study in contrasts. From the Times article:

"When we did it [in Boston], we actually had people asking to be screened," [Boston Police] Chief Martino said yesterday in a telephone interview. "It makes them more comfortable knowing that it was being done."

As opposed to.....

Those who would give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety.- Benjamin Franklin

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Little Steven's Underground Garage

Linkfest: Here's what Steven van Zandt is up to: spinning unknown but really cool collections of garage bands on the radio sundays- check your local listings. Shows are archived. See Little Steven's Underground Garage

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Cover Letter Blues (no relation!)

At my company, I review resumes and hire people. Here's a letter I received.

Dear Pants Dispenser Operator,

Please find my resume and cover letter attached for the position of
[yadda yadda yadda]

F. Hussein (no relation!)

What an unfortunate name. However, I don't think I was going to call
him back and be like, "So, I've reviewed your resume. Do you have any
experience silencing political rivals?"

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Wednesday Night by the Numbers

Number of fall-down drunk party members before we went to the gansevoort: 1
Number of maker's mark on the rocks at the gansevoort: 2 for MH and 2 for yours truly
Number of models met at gansevoort: 4
Number of "last remaining table so you know it's right by the damn door but we don't give a shit" we buy for our party of 11 at pm lounge, complete with bottle service: 1
Number of bottles of veuve cliquot and belvedere: 2 each
Number of energy drink + belvedere's consumed by yours truly: 3
Number of people who passed out and slept in the gutter: 1
Number of dollars withdrawn at 3:30 am but not remembered: 100
Number of dollars left on Thursday AM: 42
Percent of tab at pm paid by uncle sam: 30

Friday, July 15, 2005

Typical Day At My Office

Typical day at My office, courtesy of AC:
Pants Dispenser Operator: BN, how are you doing right now?

BN: I'm doing great, PDO.

Pants Dispenser Operator: I mean, if you were Justin Timberlake, would you be doing better?

BN: Oh, I'd be rockin' your body.

Pants Dispenser Operator: Dude, I would be so quick to walk away...~

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

I Wrote Bush's War Words -- in 1965

This is poignant. This war is truly our Vietnam.

Monday, July 04, 2005

Area Pants Dispenser Dispenses Justice

So, I called the cops on the firecracker motherfuckers last night. I got home around 5, and the corner of Sherman and Academy was alive with artillery spotters, firing their tracer rounds and illuminting flares into the great beyond. There was a great article in the New York Times about the neighborhood and the shenannigans of the neighborhood.